While it's sunny...

I work at a boys boarding school. For troubled 10-14ish year olds. I will tell you right now there is never a dull moment. I found the job on craigslist and had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. It started like this.

[On my commute home at 10:30 at night] *Insert sobbing* "No, Mom, this is the WORST possible job I could have taken.*

Of course, that was back in the day of the kids who hosed down the basketball court with fire extinguishers and pulled fire alarms. And of course, even then, my mom disagreed with me. And, of course, she was right.

So, I'm just pausing to reflect that I've grown in 3 months and it's been really painful. I lost my appetite, I stopped being able to sleep properly, and I got really quiet. But I'm coming back around. I am getting pretty comfortable in the nickname one of the boys called me once--"Wicked Bitch of the West." And I've started building relationships with the boys. Some of them still want to throw up and/or murder me when they see me coming, and that's okay. My job is to help them grow, not to make them like me.

Things that have meant a lot (in an environment where I've had no official reviews and get very little feedback from my co-workers or supervisors):

[When, after using my "ubercalm-drop-it-an-octave-and-several-decibels" voice to respond to some kid yelling and getting worked up, some other kid pipes up] "Miss Kate [as if I'm a little weird], WHY do you always use a calm voice?" [Good to know you miss the times when I forget and bark orders at you. Glad to know I'm doing my job.] And another kid piped up, "Because it's helpful."

"Ms. Kate, I HATED you when you first got here. HATED you." "I know 'Stan'. I KNOW you did." *Hug*

[Me] "Well, I know I'm not really a strong staff..." "No, what do you mean. You ARE a strong staff. That's why I put you up there."

This job isn't something I want to do forever. It gets pretty tiring when 28 boys go through cycles of hating you. And I mostly just deal with the emotional drama. I'm not often out in the cold/heat shoveling paths or moving rocks or cleaning up horse poop. I don't often get called for containments. But it's still draining sometimes. Even so, I love kneeling down, getting on their level, and helping them where they're at. These times, relative to the millions of times I have to set boundaries, enforce rules, and explain natural consequences, are fewer. But, boy, when that kid turns his head back your way and smiles through a face full of tears and says, "Thanks, Ms. Kate," well, it's worth it.