Evening Shit Summary

Title taken from a work document typo tonight. Best typo yet.

Well, life actually hasn't been shitty at all lately. Highlights:

1) Emely and I continue to blaze through out Bingo challenge at the gym.
2) As a result of the above, I have been forced to learn Kettlebell and water aerobics. I've been taking H20 Fit, or as I like to call it, Seniors Being 1000 Times Better Than Me at Aquatic Activities. The first time Emely and I went, it was 6 in the morning after a night of little sleep for both of us. Naturally, we became much more interested in doing the YMCA with the music than swimming, so the entire class was pretty confused by us. Today, I got my ass kicked by a bunch of 70 year olds.
3) On Saturday, Ria and her cousin picked me up and we went on the longest one-day road trip I've been on. Stopped in Pocatello to eat Mexican food with Allyson. Bad idea. Let's just say that different windows were intermittently rolled down for the rest of the trip. Then in Logan to see Amanda, where we all learned the difference between temples, tabernacles, churches, stakes, and wards. And also that the citizens of Logan have little to no landscaping inclinations and have placed enormous boulders on their lawns in order to compensate for lack of grass. This is just a picture that I got off the internet, but one house even bouldered up onto the hill behind it. We knew by that mark that they were the richest in the subdivision. Then to Park City to pick up Todd and have dinner with Greg. Wild.

POST 100! Pickle Patrol.

I've been waiting for a great event to come along that would be 100th-post-worthy. And let me tell you, I found it.

As many of you know, I am extremely fond of order in the household. Not that everything has to BE in order, but it should HAVE an order just in case I wanted to put it there. Which is why the enormous jar of pickles in our garage was a problem for me. You see, no one knows where it came from or why it's been in our garage so long. And I had no place to put it when I went on my garage cleaning rampage a few months ago. I've been jonesing to get it out of here and tonight, Emely and I hatched a plan.

While the rest of our roommates were at the Jason Alpenis concert, we loaded up the jar of pickles in the trusty backpack I've had since high school.

Emely brought her backpack, which she also has had since high school, "just in case we find anything while we're out."

We then composed this note:


After that, we rode around our neighborhood on our bicycles until we found a very proper-looking one-story house with a nice looking lawn and daffodils. And we left it in their driveway.

Unfortunately, before departing, the pickle jar tipped over and leaked all over my backpack, causing me to smell faintly of vinegar the entire voyage. This happened twice.

Since we still had daylight left, we rode to a path that Emely knew of with some ancient runes spray painted on it. We stopped to chat with some horses when Em decided to get rid of some excess spit she had in her mouth. Her technique is really pretty incomprehensible and can best be described as a sort of wind up and pitch action. Unfortunately, during the second launching, she wasn't really paying attention to the direction of the wind and spat directly into my face. That was neat. Emely was unable to stand due to laughing so hard about the spit on my face.

We then decided to cross a bridge across the canal. Here, Emely is featured "moving up in the world" from the sloth butt scoot she performed going the other way. All in all, a fantastic ride.

You owe me 5 dollars for that

Oh man, kids, this is my 99th blog. Blog 100 is just around the corner. How momentous!

I have not been doing a very good job of logging the hilarious moments that happen in my life. Recently Anne turned 21 so we took her out for her birthday. Although the Piper Pub currently owns far too many of my dollars, we had a good time. We also did a little karaokeing later. More or less, we were the third worst group of singers in the place for a good amount of time. But then the girl who wanted to sing "Family Portrait" a half-step off the entire time made us all feel better. The title of the blog comes from the guy who sat on a stool with his back to Alli, but somehow managed to rub his butt against her periodically. When they decided to address this issue, the man informed her that he should charge her $5 for the experience he had given her. Alli did not pay him.

Recently I had a conversation with my 11-year-old twin nieces (I adopted them, okay) about the value of ear-piercing. They come from a no-nonsense (in the realm of appearances), but very imaginative family. So I asked them if they were every going to get their ears pierced, and they replied matter-of-factly: Please. You have wrists, and a neck, and fiiiiingers. Why do you need one more place to hang jewelry off of? You already have plenty.

Peace, love, and harmony.

The Disappointment of Turkeys in Adult Life

Ria: "Yeah! It was like, when you were little, turkeys were these magical creatures that brought you all this happiness, and then you grow up, and you're like, 'What?'"
Kate: "I know, I used to think turkeys were a lot cuter and then you see them and you realize they're really ugly."
Ria: "I know."
Kate: "Wait. *pauses* I never actually thought turkeys were magical creatures that brought me all this happiness. I just didn't know they were so ugly."

The way it is

Squadron: It's time for an update.

Some changes in the house. We have secured a chore chart complete with photos. Shuffling the housemates around a bit and moving Kyla out next month (something about buying her own house and not wanting to pay on two things whatwhat), but the oh-so-glamourous Alli Bedalli will be moving in by June. Fantastico.

I continue to work with children who are unsure if Satan and I are two separate beings, or, in fact, the same entity. Occasionally the sun peeks through the clouds and they are shocked to discover that I am a very nice human being indeed.

I attended a wedding for a co-worker in the fine town of Sweet recently. You know you live in a small town when you have to cross a cattle guard to get to your church. A good time nonetheless.

Let's end with some quotes from work, shall we?
[From the slightly-young-in-the-head-and-emotions 14 year old as he looks out the window pondering life] "Ms. Kate?" "Yeah." "What's so great about maturity, anyway?"
[From the 9 year old exuberantly trying to volunteer information during the Q&A session in a religious class] Teacher - "Mecca...where IS Mecca?" Kid - "It's a mineral!!!"

Unexpected

This blog is dedicated to the sunny hilarity that is my roommate Emely. I have come to have a new appreciation for her and the unexpected things that come flying out of her mouth. Some recent, enthusiastic examples:

"I just LOVE to see things growing! I just look at it and I'm like, 'Good job! Way to grow!'"

*Breathlessly* "Katelin! I just found the most perfect book. It describes me. I read it to my first graders."
Me - "Yeah?! What's it called?"
Em - "Grandfathers Journey."

I have never met anyone who congratulates things for participating in natural phenomena, i.e. plants growing, finding her dog drier after letting the dog lay on a rug for a while, etc., but I feel it's probably a pretty good outlook to have. So, Em, good job on being alive. I appreciate you despite never having eaten your pistachio salad.

My Dear Acquaintance

Greetings from the hearth fire of my home which actually does not have a fire and I'm at my desk anyway.

I recently purchased a Roald Dahl calendar for 50% off and as I was updating it, flipping through last years' calendar, it occurred to me that this year has been quite the ride. Let's recap, shall we?

*I have to confess, I rang in 2009 in the most badass way to-date. I was in the center of Spain in a huge plaza with thousands of people doing the equivalent of the ball drop in NY. I managed to conquer the tradition of eating 12 grapes before the end of the 12 strokes of midnight as fireworks were shooting off everywhere.
*I spent 5 more months in Spain and a couple weeks in Italy. I got to see things and visit places that used to just exists in textbooks. :) All with Astin. All of it a huge growing process. Lots of painful, some of it really frustrating. Some of it ridiculously hilarious, and much of it pleasant. It left me wondering...what next. That had been my dream since I was wrong, it was the proof I needed to believe that I would escape my small town. Well I did it, and the future remains ambiguous as ever, but I grow more okay with that.
*Astin and I sprinted home to our families and I spent the next few months living at home, visiting friends, working for my dad, and taking a really amazing trip with some of the raddest people I know down to California to visit some other really rad people. I also went backpacking for the first time. I almost died, or at least felt like it, but getting to the top of the mountain was definitely worth it. :D
*I got a job, totally unrelated to my major but related to pretty much all the jobs I've ever had, working with 10-15 year old boys. Discipline has definitely always been my weakness. Since I have a pretty strong personality, you would think that discipline comes naturally, but it actually makes me sick. Therefore, this job is gradually changing that. I don't know how long I'll last, but I'm giving it a good go while I'm there.
*I became co-president of the rollerblading club I invented.
*I moved in with 3 people I already loved and one that I had never really met but now I love her too. Partially because we are probably both clinically insane.
*I got trapped on the top of a mountain in a snowstorm. Luckily I was in a suburban with 3 other people and a very smelly, wet dog.
*I ran my first 5K (about 3 miles). I am not aware that I have ever run 3 miles consecutively, so this was an accomplishment for me.
*Various friends have come to visit and The Sisterhood even had an almost-complete reunion.
*I got to celebrate Christmas with my family after being apart last year. And my grandma ended the year with a bang by eating a Hollywood Stars Liver Treat for dogs.

2009 was a big year. I honestly don't know if I'm a better person. I know I learned some things, and I know I should have learned others. Since I'm making that post-college relationships transition a year later than most of my friends, it's been a learning year. It makes me think that people who understand who you are, appreciate it, and want to see you grow are much rarer than I originally assumed. I am more aware of the smaller moments that are spaced further apart now. I'm pretty pumped about the people in my life who are those good things for me.