Hollywood Stars

I'm wondering if I get a prize for 100 blogs. I'd like a medal. I much prefer medals over trophies except when I prefer trophies over medals.

Christmas this year went off pretty smoothly. Nothing wild and fancy, just a small family gathering. Padre was in rare form this year busting out many hilarious moments including when he decided to adopt my sister's phrase--"frickin' deluxe". You don't know the full scope of that phrase till it comes out of the mouth of your 53 year old father. There was also the moment when he looked at the package of Milky Ways he received for backpacking trips and declared, "Oh Milky Ways! We will have many special adventures!"

Hands down, however, the highlight of hilarity came from my grandmother, who at 86, had forgotten to turn up her hearing aids. I handed her a box of dog treats and said, "Grandma, our dog got some treats for Christmas, you should feed him one." She responded with, "Mmm! Smells nice!" I said, "I don't think so. They're liver treats." It was taking her a moment to get settled, so I turned my attention elsewhere. Seconds later, I heard the booming voice of my father shouting, "GRANDMA! GRANDMA!" As she is very hard-of-hearing, it took her a minute to stop chewing. "What?" That's when my dad shouted, horrified, "That's dog food!" My grandma paused to spit out the wet, half-chewed treat into her hand and examine it closer. Then she fed it to the dog who saw nothing wrong with the scenario. As she smacked the remains in her mouth she said, "Hm! Tastes just fine to me!" Oh g-ma.

Odds and Ends

I realize that most of my work stories are "had-to-be-there" types. But I think this one will transfer.

I am driving our oversized van full of kids. We have a lot of Jewish students so one student pops his contemporary CD into the CD player. First off, Hebrew rap is an experience in itself. Secondly, all the other boys were whining. Then a song, very obviously still in Hebrew, yet with a miniscule mariachi feel to it, came on. One of the kids pipes up:

"I feel like I'm in frickin Mexico!"
Me, dryly - "Good. Enjoy the sun."
Student, needing a comeback, "No, like reTARded Mexico."

I was not actually aware of that geographical region. But this is the sort of thing I listen to every day.

In other news, I have a lovely bunch of friends and I got to celebrate Christmas with them this weekend. Let's just say that a lot of interesting joke material comes from high pressure games like Catch Phrase. I'm also pretty sure that all my presents are wrapped. Whoop!

Cranky

I have written 90 posts, says blogspot. Who knew? Anyway, this blog is devoted to my current state of crankiness. Really, ranting about one's personal whines on an internet blog is pretty high on my pet peeves list, but reflecting on this double standard is only making me crankier.

It started tonight at work, when some of the kids were being royal pains in the ass. Oh and, by the way, the day after I blogged that last one, some boys, including "stan" were involved in a very spiteful act against me. And another kid told me my calm voice was antagonizing him. Whatever.

I read this Amy Adams/Meryl Streep interview the other day and Adams said something great about wasting her whole 20's looking for that special person. I think she's spot-on. Women's lib has come a long way, but ladies, I think we settle it a lot of ways. And it makes me cranky to wonder if I'm falling into that trap. The ideal for the female life should not be to find Mr. Wonderful and have a fabulous career while we're at it (because, yes, we've moved forward and career is now included in the package). I want to be enough by myself. That nonsense about meeting the person who completes you makes me throw up. It should be more like, "I'm complete, but life is a whole lot more interesting with you around." I'm frustrated because I think I AM enough and that I should really enjoy this semi-carefree time of life. So why, then, do I still wish I had someone to share it with? Now, let's not get carried away. I definitely am not ready for anything serious...some recent events only reinforced that. Just "a more significant companion" as someone recently put it. But.

My work schedule limits me to relationships I already have because I don't have the right time slots to go make new ones. And all my relationships have changed, anyway, leaving me feeling like one more appointment everyone has to cram into a slot. So I'm cranky. Cranky that I feel like a little life raft floating in a big ocean...caught in between the religious ideals that used to help me interpret life, and the big question mark that leaves everything open. Feeling like I'm everywhere and nowhere and too much and not enough.

Sounds quite dramatic, but cranky is the perfect word, because it's just that. A temporary emotion that usually gets better after enough consecutive nights of good sleep. And knowing that other people will be subjected to my embarassing psychobabble is a great way to send myself off to bed.

Trying to put together my desk chair and failing also makes me cranky.

While it's sunny...

I work at a boys boarding school. For troubled 10-14ish year olds. I will tell you right now there is never a dull moment. I found the job on craigslist and had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. It started like this.

[On my commute home at 10:30 at night] *Insert sobbing* "No, Mom, this is the WORST possible job I could have taken.*

Of course, that was back in the day of the kids who hosed down the basketball court with fire extinguishers and pulled fire alarms. And of course, even then, my mom disagreed with me. And, of course, she was right.

So, I'm just pausing to reflect that I've grown in 3 months and it's been really painful. I lost my appetite, I stopped being able to sleep properly, and I got really quiet. But I'm coming back around. I am getting pretty comfortable in the nickname one of the boys called me once--"Wicked Bitch of the West." And I've started building relationships with the boys. Some of them still want to throw up and/or murder me when they see me coming, and that's okay. My job is to help them grow, not to make them like me.

Things that have meant a lot (in an environment where I've had no official reviews and get very little feedback from my co-workers or supervisors):

[When, after using my "ubercalm-drop-it-an-octave-and-several-decibels" voice to respond to some kid yelling and getting worked up, some other kid pipes up] "Miss Kate [as if I'm a little weird], WHY do you always use a calm voice?" [Good to know you miss the times when I forget and bark orders at you. Glad to know I'm doing my job.] And another kid piped up, "Because it's helpful."

"Ms. Kate, I HATED you when you first got here. HATED you." "I know 'Stan'. I KNOW you did." *Hug*

[Me] "Well, I know I'm not really a strong staff..." "No, what do you mean. You ARE a strong staff. That's why I put you up there."

This job isn't something I want to do forever. It gets pretty tiring when 28 boys go through cycles of hating you. And I mostly just deal with the emotional drama. I'm not often out in the cold/heat shoveling paths or moving rocks or cleaning up horse poop. I don't often get called for containments. But it's still draining sometimes. Even so, I love kneeling down, getting on their level, and helping them where they're at. These times, relative to the millions of times I have to set boundaries, enforce rules, and explain natural consequences, are fewer. But, boy, when that kid turns his head back your way and smiles through a face full of tears and says, "Thanks, Ms. Kate," well, it's worth it.

My Favorites.

This month, my favorite...

Random voicemail:
"Um, this is Meg from the museum, and the concensus is we, we just can't sell our bricks. Uh. Thank you. Bye."

Quote from my adopted nieces:
Me (in response to seeing her dressed from head to toe in blue): You look very blue today. Is today national blue day?
Her: Well, the thing is. Sometimes I wear blue.

Excuse at work for why a student should be able to bend a rule. In this case, read outside the dining room:
"Miss Kate! I have a CLENCHING thirst."
"Well, then, drink some water for your 'clenching' thirst."
"No, it's like in my throat. It like cleeeeeenches there and the only thing that can distract me from it is that book."

Response from my sister when I told her to keep her cat under control:
"Well! What do you expect?! He's a cat on the loose!!!"

Family Outing

Let's go back a few weeks to when mom and pop and their two kids headed out in the family vehicle to a little place called Deadwood Lookout. After they loaded up their gear, their trusty/slobbery hound Ellie, and enough firewood to construct another cabin should the original be missing, they set out.

I, as one of the kids, spent the majority of the ride passed out and learning why people buy "non-drowsy" Benadryl. Eventually I came to and discovered we were almost there. An hour later I discovered that "almost there" is a relative term. We spent quite a long time looking for the dirt turnoff that would lead us up to the cabin. We found it tucked away in some shady road construction after we tried several other dirt roads. During that process, Steve (Pop) claimed to have found a human femur to which Kyla (Mom) responded, "Shutup." All the following jokes about human femurs were met with similar responses.

We made it up to the the cabin and didn't do much that evening since it was late. The next day we did a lot of slingshot-ing and meadow leaping. For your information, a lot of meadow leaping is required if you want to secure a good meadow-leaping-photograph. You may consult Anne about the validity of this statement. After we achieved, well, most of us, achieved very high-quality leaping photos, we headed inside since it was starting to snow a bit and we still wanted light for game-playing. We played many a rousing round of Nerts, Cranium, and some game that involved multitasking (aka remembering to push the timer) and therefore was far too difficult. Nerts got a little heated (pronounced, "Kyla wasn't winning anymore,") so we had to take a mental break from that. All in all, a fantastic evening. We went to bed at a decent hour with snow still sprinkling around us.

You know you work at a therapeutic boarding school for 10-14 year old boys when:

You walk into a room that smells overwhelmingly of cinnamon and think to yourself, "Man. It smells like somebody murdered the cinnamon fairy in here."

Happenings

So, here's what's been going down. A few weekends ago, Julianne came for a hilarious visit. Unfortunately most of Thursday was devoted to me working :( The next day we made some pretty deluxe t-shirts and headed with them to the zoo. We spoke with several animals, and my personal favorites were the Warty Pigs and the Meerkats. There was dinner, frozen yogurt, some creepers, some bubble tea, and a general good time was had by all.

The next night was the third Saturday of the month, which we all know is the gathering of the local Contra Dance Society. You'd better believe we rocked that. Even Steve who developed a little beckoning motion he did with his hands to alert wayward dancers where to go enjoyed himself. I must say, the Portland society had more to offer, but this was a good experience.

There was also a trip to a nearby hot springs. A friend and I drove to one we saw on the internet but once we got there, we immediately changed the name to "Million People Hot Springs." This prompted our decision to hike to another one nearby. 2.5 miles later, we ran into some hunters who told us we were definitely on the wrong trail. Eventually, we found the hot springs and had a rolicking good time.

This weekend I began an endeavor into the world of tech decking. To learn what a tech deck is and what you can do with it, go here. Anyway, as with most of my hobbies, I'll probably be excited about it for a while and then get bored. I started it to show up the kids at work :D Then there was Jana's lovely wedding and hanging out with the sis.

On Saturday a fellow rockstart was in town and I got to meet her lovely baby who will probably be a rockstar herself. An outing with friends rounded off the night.

Discount Oats

Well, approximately 8 days ago, some of my homeslices and I celebrated my b-day. It was a pretty fantastic event. We started by doing some hiking on the Oregon Trail. Naturally we took a lot of bets about who would die of dysentary, and who would be struck with typhoid fever. Ashlee clued us in that you should pick the people in your party based on marriage eligibility. Steve shared that the best strategy for survival is to buy nothing but ammo. He assured us that his party, consisting only of members whose names rhyme, always had enough to eat. Unfortunately, we were never able to make a conclusive decision of who would be eaten first, Donner style. After tossing around a football, observing history, making some pretty bad attempts at pronouncing French phrases involved in said history, and one of us lost (really badly) in a running race, we headed to dinner to meet up with some more peeps. After that, off for some ice cream, and then for the pièce de résistance - the oatmeal fight.

Before leaving for the evening, we filled a pool Ashlee found on craigslist with water and oatmeal. It was too watery, so on the way home, we bought 5 more containers. At the cash register, the lady looked at a group of girls and the group of oatmeal containers and said, "Aww, are you making oatmeal cookies tonight?" *Insert long awkward pause* I piped up boldly, "Actually, no, we're, um, having an oatmeal fight." *Blank stare* "Uh. Okay!" I'll just say that the fight was one of the oddest things I've ever participated in, but good times nonetheless!

The gems of the cyber world

Well, now that I'm not living with the parentals, I've found myself looking for some furniture. I mean, sitting on an upturned laundry basket (yes, Anne, I know it's yours) and typing on my computer which sits on an upturned laundry hamper is niiiiice, I am still looking for some furniture.

Thus, I am wading through the glory that is craigslist.com. Some people who are native English speakers might be confused when they run across words that sound vaguely familiar but need the pictures to translate. Here are some examples:

Dallor - base currency of the USA. Usually spelled "dollar"
Dinning - referring to the act of eating, not the act of making a lot of noise. Usually spelled "dining."

I also ran across some interesting items. Such as an 80 oz Vlasic Pickle Jar (free).
"Nothing special here. Just a large glass jar. Modern - as in purchased full of pickles in the last month. Good for, well, pickles and maybe pickled eggs." Well alright.

And under the heading of DO NOT MISS THIS


Wolf dishes, anyone?

Galactic Greetings!

That was the title of the email I got with my sweet action Buzz Lightyear picture in it. I will post that here. Anyway, a whirlwind of activity the past few weeks. The highlights:

-Anne, Kyla, LeeAnne, Ashlee, and I all hopped in Sizzle's car and drove a squillion hours down to Anaheim to the Comfort Inn, which Anne came to refer to as, "The Shadiest Place on Earth." Because, although it has a close proximity to "The Happiest Place on Earth," we still learned about call girls, sketchy people, and police reinforcement from another boarder. Sweet.
-We met up with Jackie, John, and Syd and headed (sans John) to Disneyland and California Adventure for three days. It was a total blast minus a few minor events, one which will be mentioned next. I really liked it, but I kind of felt that my eyeballs were injected with a nervous, colorful electricity and wondered what the difference between Disneyland Day 3 and LSD is.
-The person currently masquerading as Snow White (and also the little-known fairy character--Fawn) is not a nice person. As Snow White, she shut Anne down when Anne requested that she act scared as we held up our apple slices. After acting like a 3-brain-celled ditz for a while, she told Anne, "Why don't YOU do that, while the rest of us pose like pretty princesses?" Vomit.
-Adrienne rescued me and it was good to see her.
-Then we drove up to Syd's shack in Modesto and spent a ridiculous day by the pool. Spoiled? Yes I was.
-Then we drove home.
-I'm pretty sure I got a job at a boys ranch. I had an interview Friday and they left a voicemail asking if I could start on Monday, but didn't tell me what time. Thus far, my efforts to track them down have been fruitless. I'm probably just calling the wrong number. Anyway, it involves working outside, with kids, dogs, horses, etc. And I get to wear jeans and t-shirts and tennis shoes. Bwhahaahahha. I'm pumped.

you betcha

As many of you are aware, I have been working for my dad at his automotive shop. I am the front desk receptionist. My main duties include: invoices, quickbooks, smiling big and directing customers to someone else. Also staring out the window when there's not a whole lot going on. Now, you must understand that my dad comes from a line of "good ol' boys" and talks the talk well. When he and ky and syd's dad get together, it's like visiting a convention in another language. I'm trying to think of how to describe that language. It's got a twang, a bit of southern, a bit of hick. And there are several phrases unique to this language. I recently discovered that not only do I generally understand goodolboy, but I unintentionally speak it. Here are some phrases that recently came flying out of my mouth. (I will include pronunciation)

"Bin doin' a lotta fishin' lately?"
"Yep, yep, jus git 'er dun."
"Thank yew." (You know how people with accents say it.)

It's been a kind of horrifying process, but I don't mind it too badly. Just be forewarned.

Upcoming news - I will be bebopping down to California with some of the coolest people on earth to see some more of the coolest people on earth. I will also probably throw up at Disneyland, but I'm pretty excited to scream my lungs out. This basically happens on all the rides. There's this sweet picture somewhere of me and Kyla on a rollercoaster. She is smiling relaxedly. I, on the other hand, look like I am giving birth to a demon-possessed rhinocerous (large and terrifying). I don't expect that anything will have changed between now and then.

When I come back, remind me to blog about hearing loss and why I could get a hearing aid.

New Kid in Town

Now, I don't usually give shout-outs to websites, but I recently stumbled on this one and it might have changed my life a little bit. Seriously go check it out:

www.dontjudgemyhair.com

Great news recently, all three co-presidents have located rollerblades via craigslist and will be picking them up tonight. A fourth pair has been located for another co-president who does not actually know how to rollerblade but will soon learn, I'm sure. Tonight, weather permitting, the first meeting of the co-presidents of the rollerblading club will convene, with honorary dog-walker, Anne. We should get some good pictures out of this.

Slideshow

Ashlee's b-day (you'll notice the hidden recorder. Did I play it at On the Border? Yes I did. Was I off key? Yes I was? Was the tune kind of unrecognizable? Yes it was? Did it rule all school? Yes it did.)


The drive-in.

Well, in my grandmother's words, "Spicy!" Yep, life has been a little spicy as of late. Little events here and there. For example, I recently purchased a pair of rollerblades from craigslist for one dollar. That's right, go back and read it again because I definitely meant to type "one dollar." I bought them on Saturday and have had a tragically long wait. On Saturday night we went to the drive-in to see The Proposal and Transformers 2. I liked The Proposal, but 2.5 hours of big pieces of metal blowing up other big pieces of metal wasn't really my thing. Then on Sunday I hung out with a friend who was in town for only a bit and we saw Away We Go at the Flicks. I recommend it. :D Funny movie. And I had my first scone experience at Merritt's. Quality times, all of it.

Thus, today, was supposed to be the virgin voyage of my rollerblades. And then this

happened. I call it "Tropical, Yet Landlocked Tsunami of Dirt". Unfortunately my skills as a rollerblader are pretty slim. There I was, moving down the sidewalk at about 65 miles an hour by no effort of my own (the wind was really just that strong) and thinking to myself about how I never DID master the whole stopping thing, even at my middle school Rollerdrome I-read-all-those-damn-AR-books-so-get-me-out-of-this-school skating parties. I was not surprised when the gulf winds then launched me onto the grass. You may ask why I had been heading this direction in the first place. A novice rollerblader, no matter how stylish he or she may look with the wristguards he or she purchased for 75 cents at a large yardsale, should be aware of earth conditions such as Tropical, Yet Landlocked Tsunami Gale Forces. Well, the answer is simple. I was following a pink kite. It went zooming past, and, not being one to pass up a good deal, I followed it, hoping to add a pink kite to my list of recent bargain steals. After being launched onto the grass, I looked up and studied the kite, which was across several sidewalks of varying height levels with no parking signs (aka, brake stops) in sight. I then noticed that the kite was actually a severely dismembered umbrella and not likely to do me any good. So, I attempted to head back to my vehicle, despite monstrous winds blowing in my face.

But the drama continues. A white station wagon pulled into the deserted parking lot. I decided since I had 18 kilograms of sand in my eyes anyway, I should probably leave, especially since the station wagon was coming directly towards me. They pulled up beside me and asked if I had seen....a pink TENT. YES! The kite was not actually a dismembered umbrella at all, but rather a child's tent, probably featuring a barbie or princess. This explained any previous doubts I had held about the proper shape of an umbrella.

In final news, Kelsi and I and possibly Kyla have started a rollerblading club. If you would like to join, we are offering co-presidency to any new members who join before February 13th.

Hogmail

For some reason, when I use this keyboard, I type "hogmail" more often than I type "hotmail." Which brings up the question, Is there a hogmail.com? No. But the domain is up for sale if you want it.

In recent news, I bebopped on up to Portland/Salem for a few days with the madre and the sis for my cousin's wedding reception and family reunion. Good times. Amanda was gorgeous and the hubby seems like a winner. I was reminded of my painful lack of small talk skills, but still managed to enjoy myself. Since our last reunion was in the 90's, there was some catching up to do. Like when my cousin, Chris, was chatting with my sister, who actually looks like my dad's side of the family (I don't), and he said, "So? How's your sister?" And Anne said, "Well, I don't know, but you could ask her" and turned to me. And my grandma has really taken to the word, "Spicy!" and uttered it in response to any questions about her food or drink, but especially in connection with alcoholic beverages.

We also played a wild game of tag which involved removing parts of my leg on a tree and some wild jungle-style yelling.

This could be my last blog, however, on account of, well, I might not survive this weekend. I'm going on my first backpacking trip and it sounds a little wild. Words like "all uphill" and "10 miles" and such were getting thrown around. So we'll see what happens. I'm excited nonetheless.

*Theme music plays*

I'm back in the States! It was a bit of a wild ride home, but I'm finally here. We landed in NY on the 7th after a 4 hour delay involving a lot of circling and sitting in some place called Bradley, CT. But this was really a great opportunity for me to develop my Tetris skills with the in-flight video games option. They a couple days in New Haven, CT to visit a friend and learn about the fast-paced, action-packed dice game called Farkle. We then headed back to NY only to realize we had stored our luggage at JFK but were flying out of LaGuardia. Maybe I said a lot of bad words. I can't remember.

Thus, we missed our flight, actually, we missed gate closing by about 15 minutes and had to stay in NY another night. But we luuuuuuucked out the next day when we flew standby all the way home the next day. Plus, I got to meet this sweet kid who was very interested in comparing the extendable handle of my carry-on with his mother's. I think he found hers more impressive because it had 8 sections whereas mine only had 4. Or 4 and 2, depending on if he was counting with two hands or one. Either way, he conducted several studies.

So, I've just been back in the valley, relaxing and washing clothes, etc. I cancelled my trip to Portland because I'm quite out of money. Partially due to the fact that Verizon took it all in order to set me up as a "new user". At any rate, it should arrive by mail Tuesday-ish and I'll let you know when I have a new phone number. Woot!

Oops

So here's the deal. I've been really bad at blogging. Here are some horrifically brief updates:

Anne, my mom, and Kyla came to visit. It rocked my world. We bebopped around Madrid and also went to the beach which was kind of ghetto but still really fun.

I finished all my classes. I am currently wearing one of the bracelets my student made me :D

Astin and I went to Italy. It was rad and I saw a lot of famous-style stuff. Like the Colosseum. We also got stuck in Florence for a night and had to sleep on the train station sidewalk after we were kicked out of McDonald's by a man who thought his job was bouncer of McDonald's.

I'm flying to NY on Tuesday! And to Idaho on Thursday! And I will eat a waffle on Friday!

P.S. All you Portland peeps...I'll be in Portland-ish area from the 13th to the 17th. Without a car. Anyone want to come pick me up and visit?

I'm a celebrity

Well, well, well. It’s been a wee bit since I’ve written because last weekend Cassie came to visit. We had a grand ole time. On Friday, Liz, Astin, and I headed to the airport to pick her up with signs that said, “Hookers International Welcomes Cassie Lara!” Of course we drew hooks all over the signs so there would be no confusion of the purity of our group.

We came home and made breakfast together and then Cassie and I walked around Madrid for a while. In the evening, since it was the festival for the patron saint of Madrid, San Isidro, we went to this humongous outdoor concert with our Spanish friend and some of her friends. But really, we were just in the same park and couldn’t hear the music.

On Saturday the highlight was definitely a performance of Carmen. The director/producer/choreographer/set designer/costume designer/lighting designer is also the protagonist. She rewrote the story so that it was more of a flamenco performance than an opera and it was FANTASTIC. Here’s a sample:
We also almost had a showdown with some old ladies who tried to take our seats.

Sunday, we went to a town outside of Madrid called Ávila. You may have heard of the mystic, Teresa of Ávila. Yep, her old stomping grounds. The city’s surrounded by this massive wall that we climbed all over and I also stuck my leg out of. None of the other tourists did that. We visited some cathedrals and museums and we also found the finger of Teresa. Yup, they definitely have her finger on display along with her sandals, rosary, and a few other things. During the course of the day, Cassie dropped her ice cream cone and was also shat upon by a bird for the first time in her life.

Then a normal weekend of classes. But last night, I became a celebrity. Yes. Celebrity. I, along with Astin and some others, was nominated as teacher of the year in my company. Everyone at the pub where we celebrated thought the whole ceremony was kind of hilarious, but our bosses took it rather seriously. Although I only garnered a bronze trophy, I still count myself on the same celebrity level as Audrey Hepburn. On the way home, it started raining and I stuck my trophy/cup out into the rain to rinse out the champagne and some guy tried to take it. I was too fast for him, though.

If anyone wants an autograph, just let me know.

Susie B. and the 6 Giants

So this guy I work with has been planning hikes lately and I decided to join. I showed up at the bus station and said hi to the 3 guys already there waiting. I soon learned that no other females were coming and I would be spending the whole day with 6 guys who promptly nicknamed me Susie B. in reference to facebook profile. Let’s just say the estrogen cloud I was living in was blown away by a huge gust of testosterone. Really, we had a good time and it was great to get out of the city and see the mountains. We scrambled up rocks, left pieces of our flesh on various pokey plants, and I know that I, for one, transported roughly half the forest home in my socks.

A Wild Journey to Barcelona

So here’s how it rolled out. Astin’s friends Traci and Kelsey stayed with us for 2 days before we left for Barca. And it a hilariously surprising turn of events, Liz, a teammate of Astin’s and a fellow council member of mine choose the same TEFL company as us. We had a full house with all five of us and lots of hectic last minute planning. After landing in Madrid, Liz (million props) decided to join us in Barca so we bought five overnight bus tickets, booked a hostel room for Liz and headed out.

After listening to some kind of stupid people refuse to shut up for most of the bus ride, we rolled into Barca at 8:30 am and found our hostel. We then went searching for breakfast and then busted out the map from the hostel and the guide book my student loaned me. After a while of planning, we set out for…nowhere. Really we were looking for some tourist discount card and never found it. This was pretty hard work so we decided to break for lunch. If the slideshow works, you’ll notice the “paella mixta” or “entire sea creatures surprise” that everyone else ate. I ate spaghetti and chicken…thank you seafood allergies!

Then we went to La Sagrada Familia (Sacred Family), a partially finished cathedral designed by Gaudí, who is now my favorite architect/artist. Seriously, google him. He’s really the first artist that makes me want to see more and more of his work. After that, we went to see two more of his works—Casa Batlló and Casa Milá.

Day 2 – We went on a “Free Walking Tour” which really means that they advertise it as free and then ask for money. But it was a really great, informed tour and I learned a lot…about Picasso, George Orwell, Evanescence, Gaudí, etc. We also went to the Guell palace (Guell commissioned a lot of Gaudí’s work), Parc de la Ciutadella (which had a huge mammoth statue), saw the Arc de Triomf. Did you know that Eiffel offered Barcelona the Eiffel tower for their expo but Barca wanted to keep their architecture classic and made the Arc de Triomf instead. So the next year, Paris got the tower. We ended the day with a trip to Parc Guell which was also designed by Gaudí. It was like something out of a funky fairy tale.

Day 3—We hadn’t seen enough of the park yesterday, so we went back for some more exploring. After lunch, we headed to the beach. It wasn’t warm enough to swim, so we just “took the sun” as they say and it was incredibly relaxing. Except that I kept getting a lot of sand stuck to myself. Happily, I was the only one who did not torch some part of my body. Everyone else was partially converted to members of the lobster family. Basically, Barcelona was a blast. Good people, good food, and good laughs.

Adios, buttface!

Well, here is what I have to report. Astin came back safely to Spain and I picked her up from the airport several times...only once successfully. All the other times were failures on account of flight changes, lost luggage, etc. But everything is good to go now. The greatest part being, of course, that now I have someone to play Frisbee with. Spaniards generally feel that Frisbee should be reserved for dogs and the beach.

To answer your question about the hilarious title, well, that is a direct quote (as far as I understand) from my 6-year old. I arrived to their house and buzzed to be let in. Their mom always answers, but this time the 6 year old got ahold of the system and asked who I was and I told her. She then decided it was important to find out...right then, whose turn it was to go first. I let her know and we continued to chat over the buzzer system. Eventually she decided to let me in. I go up to find her face red and puffy from crying and knew that was a bad bad sign. Then their mother cheerfully explained that she and her 8 year old sister had been fighting over a picture and that they were "a little angry." Yippee. I started class with the 8-year old who was protectively clutching a picture for the beginning of the lesson while yelling stuff to her sister like, “And no you can’t even LOOK at it” before we started. We had a few attitude problems, but nothing the eyebrow/yellow card combo couldn’t solve. All of a sudden the door flies open and the tiny 6 year old shrills – “Adios, BUTTFACE!” and slams the door shut. Buttface is a loose translation from the Spanish. Anyway, I found it to be pretty hilarious because she didn’t GO anywhere. She just needed some power, I suppose, and felt that “adios buttface” was the best way. She had her lesson later and at the end when we went over the behavior chart, we agreed that “Adios, BUTTFACE” hadn’t been the greatest idea and probably wouldn’t be necessary next time. I didn’t tell her that I thought the whole thing was hilarious and continue to use the phrase (I don’t really think Astin is amused.)

Next week, tragically, there will be no blog. I will be “taking the sun,” as they say, in Barcelona. A couple of Astin’s friends and the two of us will either fly or bus over there on Friday. Furthermore, my computer is being shifty again and so if you stop hearing from me for a long time, it’s due to some sort of crash. Well, keep it real on the streets.

Well, bad news. I forgot the procession pictures again. Oops. Maybe next week. Maybe never. So this week Astin was in the States for a wedding, so I decided to become a wandering vagabond and walk around a lot. I tried some new spanish foods...membrillo (quince) and palmeras de chocolate (kind of like pie crust with chocolate on top). Both pretty good.

In student news:
-One student has announced that he likes to "rike a bike" and he was very cute about it.
-My ridiculous six year old gave me some empty sticker packets (mind you, they still had the borders, just not the actual picture stickers) she told me that they were "for my collection." I suspect she did this to ward off my increasinly-ominous glares that were directed her way for messing up our game. If anyone collects empty sticker packets, please let me know and I will send you some materials directly.
-Another student decided that, hey, why SAY grammar explanations when you can SING them. Her brother and I promptly started calling her Mary Poppins.

I also added "Good King Wenceslas" to my Sweet Flute repertoire. Other than that, not much to report. Below is a photo from the good ol' days. Take it back old school.

Semana Santa

There was no blog last week for a few reasons.

1) life wasn't too exciting
2) I was severely impeded on my way to blog.
a) the bus was incredibly delayed and it was really windy while I was waiting for the bus, so I was continually pelted with thousands of those little round tree seed pod things. When the bus came, it was really crowded, so the bus driver didn't notice me until he shut me in the door. A female leaping around frantically kind of attracts attention.
b) when I arrived at the coffee shop much later with lots of woodland particles nestled in my hair, they told me they couldn't change my 10 Euro bill. They literally didn't have enough change. So I went to another coffee shop, bought a yogurt, and then returned to my regular coffee shop. This all took an enormous amount of time.

Anyway. This week was Semana Santa and basically the whole country takes at least a 4-day vacation. I took a fabulous trip to nowhere on account of an upcoming trip to Barcelona that I'm saving up for. I did go to a procession though. They're wild. Basically different churches put their saint on a throne-thing and dress up in eerie Ku Klux Klan looking outfits and parade around various cities. It's pretty cool. I'll post pictures next week.

Kimberlea comes to visit

Here is a schedule of events that transpired while Kimberlea was here:

Tuesday/Wednesday: recovering from time zone change
Thursday: 9 am, leave for Valencia. 4 hours later de-bus. Wander around Valencia looking at the different Fallas.* Watch a parade in which billions of sparks are flying everywhere, landing on people, most of whom leave unharmed. Unfortunately, a few hairs and particles of flesh are burned off Kimberlea's head. After this, continue wandering around looking at Fallas and for a place to eat. After dinner watch the burning/fireworks explosion of the main children's falla. Stay in very squished quarters with thousands/maybe hundreds of other people for a few more hours to watch the burning of the main falla. Basically I have never seen so much fire in my life. Return home at 3 am.
Friday: Try to figure out what happened to ourselves. I attempt to teach a class to my 6 and 8 year old. The 6 year old tells my my zip-up sweatshirt is tacky. Then we went to a place nearby called Don Pimpón.
Saturday: authentic Spanish grocery shopping experience. Wandering around Madrid. Visiting a museum. Went to a jazz bar where we watched these really snotty ladies who couldn't clap (no matter how many drinks they ordered) sneer at people around them.
Sunday: visiting the open-air market for souvenirs, chocolate and churros, a hurge park, the cow parade.
Monday: Kimberlea went weapon shopping.
Tuesday: Coffee and watching the royal horses get baths.

All in all it was a a grand time. :D

*For information about what a falla is, check here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Las_Fallas

Do it.

In lieu of a regular post, I will direct you to the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBJPTyyX8Cs

The Swindling Canoeist and Other Criminal Acts

Recently I’ve been reading an article about a skip-tracer with some of my business students. Basically, it’s about this guy who tracks down people who try to skip out of town and leave debts behind, etc. There’s one part about a guy who committed life insurance fraud in a death he faked in a canoe. The line which caused much consternation among my students was,

“…much in the news since swindling canoeist John Darwin and his wife Anne were jailed last year…”

We had to break each word down and discuss it for a long time. Finally one student threw up her hands and moaned, explaining to me in Spanish her understanding of the article—a man in a canoe, rowing around, cheating people out of their hard-earned money. We had a good laugh once it was straightened out.

Moving along. Since I essentially grew up in a house, I’m not familiar with the ups and downs of apartment life. Overall, I like the connected sense. Hearing snatches of other people’s music, knowing when someone is putting in a new cupboard, etc. I especially like the baby and his grandma who tickles him so hard that he bounces her name when he’s trying to get it out. However, there is one thing I do not like. And that is the lifestyle of my neighbors on the other side of my headboard. I used to have neighbors who loved each other very much. Several times a week, they loved each other very much. Such things can be ignored with a little help from music in the headphones. However, they must have moved because that room is now the entertainment room for a family who does NOT love each other so much. In fact, they fight a lot and watch TV till very late. Even with all this considered, it wasn’t until they downloaded Instant Messenger that I got truly annoyed. Bee-dee-doop. Bee-dee-doop. *Low, vicious grumbling from my side of the wall*

I take comfort in the fact that I have taken revenge on basically any past or potential enemies in my apartment building with one simple purchase. I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time, and finally I got so jealous of one of my students that I just went out and bought one. I am now the proud owner of a Hohner Recorder. Bam. You may look for an album titled, “The Musical Stylings of Kate” on iTunes any day now. Later, when I want to appeal to a wider, more hip-hop style audience, I will produce an album called, “The Musical Stylings of K-Dub.” First, I have to figure out how to stay in the same octave for the whole song. I have already taught myself at least four, maybe 5 songs. Parents, you can look forward to such musical gems as, “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and “Ode to Joy” when I’m living at home looking for a job.

In final news, just in time for Kimberlea’s arrival, I have contracted a head cold. I’d like to know which of my students to blame, but they’ve all been sick within the past month, so I just don’t know. I plan to take it easy so that I will be ready for our big shindig in Valencia. Google “Las Fallas”…it’s pretty good. And, lucky for me, I have the nicest roommate in the world who supports me in my whiny, snot-ridden state and doesn’t mind if I use roughly 50% of our toilet paper supply to empty my nose.

How to Be a Warrior and Other Valuable Skills

Recently, I discovered a vicious den of wickedness and pollution. The horrifying thing was that the said den was located...

on my blinds.

Yes. Between several of the lower slats in my oh-so-quality-roll-up-blinds, I found several colonies of wicked mold growing and polluting my life. I highly doubt that it was of the life-saving penicilling type. Therefore, I attacked it the way Astin has been quoted attacking dishes, "quickly. ruthlessly." Not to worry. The colonies have been subdued and a lot more fresh air has been circulating our house as preventative measure.

On Friday, we went for drinks with our landlord. It was kind of a weird shift for me, because I'm used to hating my landlord. But Astin says this is just because I've had bad ones. I am not so sure. At that time, I tried escargot, or snails, for the first time. It honestly wasn't bad. But since I wasn't sure if they fell in the same category as sea food, I didn't eat much.

In final news, I am suffering from a slight flesh wound. Recently, while trying to use a large knife as a weenie roaster, there was a collision between my index finger and the molten blade. No surgery was necessary, and I survive to this day. I do not suggest this method, but it was the only one available at the time that did not dirty up more dishes.
The End.

Uh?

This has been a really uneventful week and the only item of note was this:

I was walking down the street with Astin on the way to play frisbee. We walk past this guy who fakes like he's going to hit me in the face with his folder. I felt the wind whoosh past me. I was completely dumbfounded and had no idea how to react. Who does that? Finally, it occurred to me that it might be Graham, so I turned around to double check, but no. The guy was still walking up the hill but looking back over his shoulder to see my reaction. I think what he thought was one part total surprise and one part disgust. Weirdest thing.

Thee creeminal…needed thee noodells?

This week was a reaaaaally light week because a bunch of my students went on vacation or cancelled classes for various reasons. It was pretty odd.

The title comes from my 11-year-old student. We were practicing the past tense, so I designed a CSI situation where he had to figure out what happened and then give a report. He loved it. Halting English is actually perfect for detective games, I discovered, because it gives the speaker the air of a self-important detective who thinks each of his words. are. deathly. important. Anyway, the crime involved some lady stealing all the noodles from a restaurant. As you know, noodle is one of the funniest words in the English language, so with his Spanish accent and me making the storyline ridiculous, well, we were both laughing pretty hard.

The weekend was a decently social-y weekend, and I enjoyed myself a lot. Thursday, I went with Astin to her language exchange (half the time in Spanish and half in English) and we had good times. The girl, Irene, taught us some new words, of which my favorite is perroflauta. Perro is the word for dog and flauta for flute, so it’s the new word to talk about the hippie-type people who always go around with their dogs and flutes/recorders.

On Friday I went out with a few friends to TGIFriday’s. (Anne I know you wet your pants a little bit just then.) It wasn’t too shabby and I got to meet some new people. Afterward to Boñar for a cheap dinner and then on to another place to relax and talk. I learned that my apartment is actually pretty close to a lot of things I usually take the metro to. Hmph.

On Saturday, I got up early and made pancakes-to-go for a road trip to Cuenca. Cristina invited me on their shindig, and it was the first time I’ve been in a car in a while. It was good times. We had some classic old-school jams going on (what is a road trip without Sir Mixalot?). And we stopped at Ciudad Encantada first. C.E. is this place with all these weird rock formations made from different types of erosion. Pretty cool. It was the bomb to be up in the mountains with trees and blue sky, etc. Plus, one of the girls is from Oregon, has Chacos, and works at a summer camp. That is what I call, “Instant BFF Potion #6”. Okay, maybe not BFF, but we had fun.  We had some lunch in Cuenca and then went to see the Casas Colgadas “Hanging Houses.” They’re houses built into a cliff. So you walk out onto a bridge and you can see these houses kind of hanging over the edge of a cliff. I think one of them has a restaurant and a museum. We debated on going to Chinchón on the way back, but decided to head straight for Madrid. It was dark by that time, and I believe it’s the first time I’ve seen the stars in about 5 months. Weird.

All in all, it was a good week/weekend. Even if thee creeminal needed thee noodells.

Hmph.

Some interesting events have happened this week. Basically I was absentminded during the entirety.

Event 1: I have a long bus ride from one of my students house back into the city. So I was writing a letter with my cell phone on my lap for time observance. I got off at my stop and started walking toward my apartment. At this point, I realize I no longer have my cell phone. Items of note--1) Cell phones all work with pre-paid minutes here. Mine still had about 50 euro on it...aka free minutes for whoever finds it. 2) It's my connection with my "office" for new employment 3) It's my connection with my students when one of us wants to cancel classes. 4) It's my connection to friends, family, social life, and my roommate if I lock myself out. That being said, I frantically began searching all my bags and finding nothing but expletives. I have no idea what to do at this point and no way to call anyone. I accosted some poor woman at the bus stop and made her advise me. I eventually developed a plan to get on every bus (going the opposite way) and ask the driver if they had found a phone. Okay, so basically I am the luckiest duck in the whole pond and by some stroke of magic, the first bus I got on had my cell phone!!! So, whoever you are out there, thank you for your honesty. Basically it was the luckiest thing ever. Maybe not ever, but it was really lucky. I think driver enjoyed my explosion of gratitude.

Later in the week I was writing the same letter to the same person when I arrived home without my mittens. I knew I had had them when I switched trains two stations away so I went back. I spotted one on the platform...alone. Looking dusty and lonely. I asked the two men who were staring at the mitten if they had seen the other one. I am quite sure I spoke in clear Spanish and that these men were "special." Our conversation went something like this, "Excuse me, have you seen the other mitten?" "Yes, there is a mitten." "Uh huh. Yeah, I found the one over there [I wave it at this point] but have you seen the other?" "Yeah there's a mitten." After some more similiarly-effective conversation, I gave up and started to walk back when I spotted it. In the tracks. As a lightning flash of understanding hit the two men, they both exclaimed, "The mitten is there!" Then they advised me to talk to the help booth which was possibly the wisest thing they said all night. The man in the booth rolled his eyes and said yes when I asked if it would be very bothersome to get it. But the man outside the booth, micah, quickly grabbed some pinching stick and strode toward the platform. I pointed out the mitten and he made an attempt to grab it. He was about 2 feet short. I knew that with some more effort, the mitten was attainable, but Micah didn't seem very interested in that. So I asked if I could try. Keep in mind that this is a business-class day, so I have on nice shoes, pants, coat, scarf, hair, the works. This was no problem for me. I plop down on the cement and swing my legs over the edge to get closer to the mitten. Heck, I would have gotten down on my belly--those were good mittens! This was horrifying to Micah who made clucking noises at me and refused to give me the stick and instead got down on his hands and knees to get my mitten. He was successful and I thanked him profusely. We went on our merry ways and as I sat down next to a girl on a bench to wait for the train I almost turned to her and said, "I'm ridiculous."

A day in the life of yellow

Not too much to say this week. It was a pretty regular week...no new students and nothing particularly outrageous. The weekend was quiet and Astin recently fixed the DVD drive on her computer so we have been renting movies from the library and enjoying movies. We haven't done that in, oh, since we left, basically. Here are some highlights from the week:

I learned, via an article I used with some students, the following:
-The head of leading vacuum company in the 50's predicted that we would see nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners within 10 years.
-The postmaster general, also during the 50's, said, "We stand on the threshold of rocket mail."
-There were other predictions, including one by Bill Gates predicting that no personal computer would ever need more than 640 kb of memory (what is the average iPod capacity these days?. However, my students and I found the above to be the most ridiculous.

My 6 year old girl produced the other story of the week. We start every class with flashcards. I hold up three fingers or for fingers or whatever and she has to say the word that many times. She has decided to manually check off each time by smushing the finger down as she says it. After several words and several smushings, she suddenly leans and tells me, in Spanish, "I threw up three times." I knew the word for Spanish, but I just wasn't catching it. But finally I understood and wiped the horrified expression off my face. I kind of leaned away and asked her if she felt better now. She nodded and we continued learning exciting words like "strong" and "weak". Suddenly she leaned in and said, confidentially, "I threw up yellow." "You threw up yellow?!" "Yellow." To switch from the disgusted look on my face, I added (in Spanish), "I'm sorry, sweetheart." Apparently this show of affection overflowed her little 6-year-old heart and she flung herself on me and said, "THank you!!!" Oh kids. They're kind of the bomb.

Even if they throw up yellow.

January in Retrospect

So I've decided that January has been a pretty good month. It came in with a bang and left on a high note. Of course you have already read about New Year's and whatnot. Another highlight was Tope's b-day/going away party with homemade crepes. I got some new students who are not water parties*. Here are some recent highlights:

Astin turned 24 on the 26th, a Monday. We spent the whole weekend enjoyable. We played all kinds of games my mom sent on Friday. On Saturday we cooked a huge dinner and I made a secret chocolate cheesecake. On Sunday we went to the first movie we had seen in over a month. It was the first movie we'd seen in a theatre in over three months. Wild, I know. We saw "My Name is Harvey Milk." I think in the States it's just called "Milk." It's definitely thought-provoking and I really liked it.

This weekend I went to Segovia with a bunch of people from work and we had a blast. It was supposedly a "sledding trip." However, the people we went with were, for the most part, pansies. Yep. Apparently since there was some wind and about 6 flakes of snow per minute, it was too extreme to sled. People from states with mountains were all confused by this. So we went on a hike instead. It was gorgeous! It was so nice to be in the mountains, with trees, enough snow to cover the ground, and clean air. We laughed and threw snow balls (incidentally also some small children who threw ice balls). Then we got on the bus and headed 30 minutes in the wrong direction. After the driver turned around we headed down to Segovia to see the aqueduct and have some lunch. Suckling pig was the house specialty but I went for the beef. We went to the castle in Segovia after. It had a rad view. We spent the bus ride home laughing and sleeping. All in all, it was a great way to end the month.

*This is a correction of a previous essay. I thought it was water park, but was actually water party.

The Middle-Aged, The Elderly, and Their Cell Phones

In order to make up for missing a week, I am posting two blogs this time. As noted in the title, the subject of this blog is, “The Middle Aged, The Elderly, and Their Cell Phones.” My current research consists of information obtained firsthand from crowded metros, buses, public areas, and my mother. We now move to the scene of an observation.

Behold! The middle-aged woman gazes out the window of a full public transportation bus. She seems to be engrossed in observing the passing of various buildings. Suddenly, a deafening noise blasts throughout the entire bus, shattering windows and resetting pacemakers. All the passengers look around in horror, trying to discern the source of this awful racket. Eventually, they realize that this sonic boom is proceeding from the oversized handbag of the middle-aged woman, who, unobserving, continues to stare out the window. The passengers take turns covertly glaring at her. After about 18-20 minutes of this, when complete hearing loss is becoming a realistic possibility, the middle-aged woman begins to have…thoughts…awarenesses one might say. They begin to dawn visibly upon her face and she becomes confused. Perhaps she is thinking, “I have a ringing sensation in my ears and I feel rather dizzy. Maybe some sort of noise is happening around me.” Being sensible, however, she brushes this off as an unrealistic option, but the nagging thought persists. As if lightning has struck through the roof of the bus, directly into her head, the woman has two rapid and consecutive thoughts—“What if that noise is a cell phone?” and “My word! I have a cell phone—what if it’s mine?!” For the middle-aged woman, these thoughts often prompt a course of action. She becomes flustered and begins fishing around in her purse, which, unfortunately, is the size of the island of Aruba.

In many cases, she triumphantly reaches the desired object and holds it at arms length. Soon we observe confusion settling over the countenance of the middle-aged woman. “I’m not sure what to do next,” she thinks. There is some kind of international secret code running across the screen of her mobile phone and she unsure how to decipher such complex symbols. [It should be noted that, at this point, most of the other passengers are quite sure of how to decipher the code and are annoyed that she can’t find the “Silence ringer” button.] The middle-aged woman does not worry about such frivolous technological advances that will allow her to silence her cellphone and it’s overbearing rendition of “Ode to Joy.” She is solving a puzzle! Abruptly, a thought penetrates through the shroud of mystery, “Oh Mylanta! These are numbers! NUMBERS! And Good Lord! They seem to be familiar! But why is Susan Smith’s name written on this little screen?” When the middle-aged woman realizes that not only does she recognize the number on the screen, but that it actually belongs to Susan Smith, her oldest friend, the proceeding events happen in rapid succession. First, she locates the button to answer the call and presses it firmly. Then she happily engages in a call with Susan at a loud volume which is only slightly less annoying than the midi version of “Ode to Joy” her fellow passengers had previously been subjected to. Triumphant, the middle-age woman continues throughout her day until the next time she receives a call. Oh eternal mystery!

*Author’s note: the author would like to say that this academic writing represents the characteristics of several women she has observed. She would also like to tip her hat to the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of women who are older and equally, if not more, technologically savvy than herself.

I am not a water park

The title is a quote from one of my newest students. Although I didn't really understand it, my student cracked himself up for a good, solid minute with that one. Yes, the life in Spain isn't too shabby. I have four new students...two business students and two more kids. Of course, I'm still not making a billion dollars, but I am proud to say that we are continuing to pay all the bills. YEAH!

Being with my two newest students is like being at camp again. They talk at 90,000 miles and hour, sometimes in English, sometimes in Spanish, sometimes to each other, sometimes to me, and sometimes just in case someone is listening. During our first class, I withdrew from the deafening noise to just observe, and I have decided that those children are crazy. Thus, we should have a good time. We will most likely have a discipline chart, and some sizzling glares, but we will have a good time. :)

One of my adults also told me that I like the theatre. I told her to practice her upcoming presentation in the mirror. This is a valid suggestion that I have used many times and has been given to me to by Spanish teachers, as well. However, to my student, this was just another one of my "zany" suggestions. She replied, "Yes, but you like the theatre." Since this was utterly unexpected, I burst out laughing and she said, "Yes, yes, you like the theatre. I know." She seems to "know" a lot more than me, but I have my doubts. Well, back to my life of not being a water park.

ho hum

What up, g's. Greetings from 2009. It's a pretty good year so far and I've had some fun with it. Over the break I got to see a lot of free concerts and go to a few different events, like this squishy parade (by that I mean I was basically unable to move physically due to crowding) and some fireworks. I can't post pictures yet because most of my pictures were on my computer. As many of you know, my computer is dead (hopefully temporarily). My son, Timmy the Translator, has also died. Unfortunately.

Other than that, life is good. I'll post funny anecdotes as they come.

Suck Buckets

So, my computer is broken. I hope it's a problem that can be fixed by buying a new cord. Even if that's the case, it will take a few weeks for the cord to ship from a supplier to the parental's house and from there to Spain. I'll be away from Skype and the internet in general till then. I'll have some limited access at work, so I can respond to some e-mails, but other than that...

I'll be moping a bit.