Me: Hey! So-and-so. Who gave you permission to be in this room?
Student: No one, I just came in.
Me: Okay, you need to pull some cards.
Student: I am allowed to be in here!
Me: And why's that?
Student: Because[obviously frantically searching for a reason. Then, with sweeping arm motion and dead-serious face] I am the President!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Anatomy, anyone?
1) That last post was 111. It will be a long time before I hit unanimous triple digits again.
2) This blog's story contains profanity, so if you're queasy, don't read.
3)
Me to one of the little guys at work: "Trevor", you need to take a shower, please.
"Trevor" [heated arguing, yelling, etc., ending with] NO!
Me: I notice that you're getting pretty upset, what do you need to do to get a lower energy level?
"Trevor": I'm not GONNA calm down because YOU are just pissing the fuck out of me!
Me [adopting a very solemn, concerned face] Oh no Trevor. That sounds painful. I think you'd better go to the bathroom, then.
"Trevor" [staring at me dumbfoundedly as the light begins to dawn] [Slaps forehead] Oh Ms. Kate. Oh my god. Oh sheesh. [laughter and general sheepishness.]
2) This blog's story contains profanity, so if you're queasy, don't read.
3)
Me to one of the little guys at work: "Trevor", you need to take a shower, please.
"Trevor" [heated arguing, yelling, etc., ending with] NO!
Me: I notice that you're getting pretty upset, what do you need to do to get a lower energy level?
"Trevor": I'm not GONNA calm down because YOU are just pissing the fuck out of me!
Me [adopting a very solemn, concerned face] Oh no Trevor. That sounds painful. I think you'd better go to the bathroom, then.
"Trevor" [staring at me dumbfoundedly as the light begins to dawn] [Slaps forehead] Oh Ms. Kate. Oh my god. Oh sheesh. [laughter and general sheepishness.]
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Antsy
When I go to sign into my blog and Firefox doesn't autocomplete the address, I know it's time for a new post.
So, running with my vibram five fingers has been going well and I can now run on concrete with no problem. The only problem comes from reverting back to old tennis shoes or thinking I can take on the world without checking to see if my muscles are on board. As a result of some misunderstandings between various muscles/ligaments and I, I have a relatively bitter knee and foot, but now that the Farm Man 5K is over, I'm taking a month off from running to heal up and hopefully start running properly again someday. Speaking of the Farm Man, it was a 5K with obstacle course that Team Running (which I have decided to call Anne, Kyla, Teresa, and I since we do these things together) went to. It was pretty fun and I organized a group of boys/staff from work to go, and I liked having them there. It was nice to be the me that I am outside of work and not have to worry about whether we had everyone or not.
All this to say that I do all my physical activity that isn't in the rain or on gravel in my fivefingers. This, in turn, has made me an instant spokesperson for the shoe and I regularly get stopped and questioned by total strangers. Anne says this is good for my social skills. I say this is good for Vibram.
Also in the world of fitness, a few thoughts on the elderly at the gym. They are hilarious. First, the apparel. My experience is that there is no middle ground. They either come in dressed exactly how they would for casual Friday: jeans, button up shirts, etc., or they are dressed from head to toe in very serious workout gear. Such as the matching track suits with coordinating stripes, the sweatband on forehead and wrist. In surprising numbers, they kick my butt in many ways, from the treadmill to the weight-lifting class.
My renewed favorite thing to do is what I call "dragon biking." It's an exercise bike with a computerized screen that shows you an pretend course and adjusts the difficulty to correspond with the picture of whatever terrain you're biking on. Well, it also has a feature called "chases" where you bike around trying to get certain colored coins and then catch the dragon that matches. It sounds easy until you realize that some dragons are stationed on top of pyramids and you have to bike to them. I tried to convince Kyla to come with me to do this, but until I explained the concept thoroughly she thought I would be dragging her to an actual class where the instructor shouted mythical commands like, "PEDAL FASTER! DRAGON AHEAD! GET THAT DRAGON!" You understand why we are friends.
Team Ingrid (apparently I now refer to all groups of people in teams) went to renew our love of Ms. Michaelson, who did not disappoint, as usual. Guggenheim Grotto opened and I'm glad they did! Although the teenyboppers behind us were unable to understand their Irish accent and loudly told them so, they had some good stuff to perform.
I'll end this long, kind of boring blog with a quote from work.
[Student with limited social skills has returned from a home visit. I am in the med cart dispensing meds. Student is known to be funny at times, awkward at others.]
Student: Ms. Kate, wanna know where I've been?
Me (thinking he'll tell me about his home visit stops): For sure!
Student (attempts some sort of catwalk strut): I been bringin' sexy back.
P.S. I'm ready for an adventure.
So, running with my vibram five fingers has been going well and I can now run on concrete with no problem. The only problem comes from reverting back to old tennis shoes or thinking I can take on the world without checking to see if my muscles are on board. As a result of some misunderstandings between various muscles/ligaments and I, I have a relatively bitter knee and foot, but now that the Farm Man 5K is over, I'm taking a month off from running to heal up and hopefully start running properly again someday. Speaking of the Farm Man, it was a 5K with obstacle course that Team Running (which I have decided to call Anne, Kyla, Teresa, and I since we do these things together) went to. It was pretty fun and I organized a group of boys/staff from work to go, and I liked having them there. It was nice to be the me that I am outside of work and not have to worry about whether we had everyone or not.
All this to say that I do all my physical activity that isn't in the rain or on gravel in my fivefingers. This, in turn, has made me an instant spokesperson for the shoe and I regularly get stopped and questioned by total strangers. Anne says this is good for my social skills. I say this is good for Vibram.
Also in the world of fitness, a few thoughts on the elderly at the gym. They are hilarious. First, the apparel. My experience is that there is no middle ground. They either come in dressed exactly how they would for casual Friday: jeans, button up shirts, etc., or they are dressed from head to toe in very serious workout gear. Such as the matching track suits with coordinating stripes, the sweatband on forehead and wrist. In surprising numbers, they kick my butt in many ways, from the treadmill to the weight-lifting class.
My renewed favorite thing to do is what I call "dragon biking." It's an exercise bike with a computerized screen that shows you an pretend course and adjusts the difficulty to correspond with the picture of whatever terrain you're biking on. Well, it also has a feature called "chases" where you bike around trying to get certain colored coins and then catch the dragon that matches. It sounds easy until you realize that some dragons are stationed on top of pyramids and you have to bike to them. I tried to convince Kyla to come with me to do this, but until I explained the concept thoroughly she thought I would be dragging her to an actual class where the instructor shouted mythical commands like, "PEDAL FASTER! DRAGON AHEAD! GET THAT DRAGON!" You understand why we are friends.
Team Ingrid (apparently I now refer to all groups of people in teams) went to renew our love of Ms. Michaelson, who did not disappoint, as usual. Guggenheim Grotto opened and I'm glad they did! Although the teenyboppers behind us were unable to understand their Irish accent and loudly told them so, they had some good stuff to perform.
I'll end this long, kind of boring blog with a quote from work.
[Student with limited social skills has returned from a home visit. I am in the med cart dispensing meds. Student is known to be funny at times, awkward at others.]
Student: Ms. Kate, wanna know where I've been?
Me (thinking he'll tell me about his home visit stops): For sure!
Student (attempts some sort of catwalk strut): I been bringin' sexy back.
P.S. I'm ready for an adventure.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Adventuring
I miss adventuring. Specifically the type that involves other countries and languages, particularly Spanish. I miss the type of people who live adventuring lifestyles. I've been home for a year and a half now...the longest I've lived in the country in 3ish years and the longest I've stayed in this particular area since...2005 I think. I've been antsy for a while and the feeling definitely didn't go a way.
But there are a lot of reasons to stay put for a little while longer, at least. Like major surgeries for people I know or major graduations, and lots of people I care about being here. But after that, well. Since I have no particular life direction, I suppose I will just start looking until I find a job that sounds amazing and then go there.
In an effort to control myself from spontaneously boarding a plane, I decided to catapult into the sky. This is a real thing. You can do this at Lagoon. Youtube the following terms: Catapult at Lagoon, Skycoaster at Lagoon, and Wicked at Lagoon. I did all this and more. I must say, I never thought I would launch into the sky (enormous swing was in the realm of possibilities), but catapulting was very worth it. I can also say that I have never heard Kyla scream like that (or anyone, except in horror films), but we were both very brave.
Interesting notes about the Lagoon adventure park trip:
-I found a sock in my pants about an hour into the park day. It was from the day before and had hidden there. It was a good sock, so I stuffed it in my back pocket.
-While swinging several hundred feet on the enormous swing, a bug flew in my mouth mid-WOW! When you are going that fast, there is no getting the bug back out because he is plastered to the back of your throat.
-Utah is prettier while hanging upside down.
But there are a lot of reasons to stay put for a little while longer, at least. Like major surgeries for people I know or major graduations, and lots of people I care about being here. But after that, well. Since I have no particular life direction, I suppose I will just start looking until I find a job that sounds amazing and then go there.
In an effort to control myself from spontaneously boarding a plane, I decided to catapult into the sky. This is a real thing. You can do this at Lagoon. Youtube the following terms: Catapult at Lagoon, Skycoaster at Lagoon, and Wicked at Lagoon. I did all this and more. I must say, I never thought I would launch into the sky (enormous swing was in the realm of possibilities), but catapulting was very worth it. I can also say that I have never heard Kyla scream like that (or anyone, except in horror films), but we were both very brave.
Interesting notes about the Lagoon adventure park trip:
-I found a sock in my pants about an hour into the park day. It was from the day before and had hidden there. It was a good sock, so I stuffed it in my back pocket.
-While swinging several hundred feet on the enormous swing, a bug flew in my mouth mid-WOW! When you are going that fast, there is no getting the bug back out because he is plastered to the back of your throat.
-Utah is prettier while hanging upside down.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Medical Mysteries
"Omar": MISS KATE! I lost my orthotics [a sole insert for bad feet] and my feet hurt!
Me: I bet they do! I have a friend who wears those and when she doesn't, or they get worn down, her back gets all out of alignment and her muscles really hurt and--
Omar: --and I get pinkeye sometimes.
Me: Bahaha. No. You do not get pinkeye from not wearing your orthotics.
Omar: [resignedly and matter-of-factly] Yes, Ms. Kate, it's just one of those things.
Me: I bet they do! I have a friend who wears those and when she doesn't, or they get worn down, her back gets all out of alignment and her muscles really hurt and--
Omar: --and I get pinkeye sometimes.
Me: Bahaha. No. You do not get pinkeye from not wearing your orthotics.
Omar: [resignedly and matter-of-factly] Yes, Ms. Kate, it's just one of those things.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Unexpectedly long
Well...yikes. I haven't blogged in a million years. Today's blog is about celebrating the lacerations on my back and upper arm.
You see, they are fairly mild and not terribly painful, but I got them from crouching inside a barrel and then rolling down (and, consequently, up, and back down again) a half pipe (a sort of u-shaped skateboard ramp). It was a good day at work. I can say, without a trace of doubt, I never thought I would ever roll down a ramp in a barrel, let alone as part of my job.
Other things I never thought would be part of my job:
-Cleaning black stuff out of horse troughs. And enjoying it.
-Falling backwards off of said horse trough into mud. And laughing about it.
-Wearing Run Watch clothing while aforementioned muddy clothes were washing and drying. And looking like Christmas in July.
I've worked hard to get to this spot, dammit, and I'm going to celebrate it. Celebrate all the blow-ups, and the aggression, and the Fuckyougotohellbitch nights. Celebrate the Ihateyou's and the whining/complaining/nagging. Celebrate the tears and the laughter and the silliness and the nicknames and all the emotional outpouring I've put into this job. Celebrate the moment I realized this isn't just a "job" and I don't always get to just clock out and not think about it anymore. Celebrate the boys who work their asses off to conquer stuff that most grown-ups I know have never had to conquer, in a setting that would drive anyone mad. Celebrate me growing and learning to stand my ground. Learning what it means to love someone even when they, literally or figuratively, spit in your face. Learning to protect people who swear they don't need it, but scream it with their silence. Learning to give, and to forgive. Learning to lose the small battles (most difficult) in order to win the war. Learning to let my guard down. Learning not to take crap and to stand up for myself. Learning to laugh while sprinting up and down cheat-grass covered hillsides in 90 degree weather. Learning to do all this and not give up. Despite all the mistakes. Because, then, when I'm lucky, a kid pulls me aside, reads me an apology letter, and tells me he's ready to turn a new leaf.
You see, they are fairly mild and not terribly painful, but I got them from crouching inside a barrel and then rolling down (and, consequently, up, and back down again) a half pipe (a sort of u-shaped skateboard ramp). It was a good day at work. I can say, without a trace of doubt, I never thought I would ever roll down a ramp in a barrel, let alone as part of my job.
Other things I never thought would be part of my job:
-Cleaning black stuff out of horse troughs. And enjoying it.
-Falling backwards off of said horse trough into mud. And laughing about it.
-Wearing Run Watch clothing while aforementioned muddy clothes were washing and drying. And looking like Christmas in July.
I've worked hard to get to this spot, dammit, and I'm going to celebrate it. Celebrate all the blow-ups, and the aggression, and the Fuckyougotohellbitch nights. Celebrate the Ihateyou's and the whining/complaining/nagging. Celebrate the tears and the laughter and the silliness and the nicknames and all the emotional outpouring I've put into this job. Celebrate the moment I realized this isn't just a "job" and I don't always get to just clock out and not think about it anymore. Celebrate the boys who work their asses off to conquer stuff that most grown-ups I know have never had to conquer, in a setting that would drive anyone mad. Celebrate me growing and learning to stand my ground. Learning what it means to love someone even when they, literally or figuratively, spit in your face. Learning to protect people who swear they don't need it, but scream it with their silence. Learning to give, and to forgive. Learning to lose the small battles (most difficult) in order to win the war. Learning to let my guard down. Learning not to take crap and to stand up for myself. Learning to laugh while sprinting up and down cheat-grass covered hillsides in 90 degree weather. Learning to do all this and not give up. Despite all the mistakes. Because, then, when I'm lucky, a kid pulls me aside, reads me an apology letter, and tells me he's ready to turn a new leaf.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Henceforth...
From now on, you may refer to me by my new name, given to me by a student at work this evening:
Mrs. Fuck.
Mrs. Fuck.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
And I think to myself...
Aside from being pretty miserable with a head cold/whining about being miserable with a head cold, this was a pretty great weekend. Let's just review some of the highlights, shall we?
-Anne, Kelsi, and I revealed to Sydney, Kyla, and Steve, that the cake they received earlier this week from their "block captains" was actually not from their "block captains." They had rightfully been shocked that anyone could think the "Trail Mix Cake," as it was called, was good enough to share with neighbors. The cake had, in fact, been constructed by us after we cleaned out our pantry. Main ingredients were: Slim-Fast, instant mashed potatoes, and mint hot chocolate mix. We also included dried-out marshmallows, actual trail mix, pancake mix, and broccoli soup. We threw in an egg and some oil, made an official "block captain" letterhead, and dropped it off at Kyla's house. Bwah. ha. ha.
-We had a graduation party for Kelsi. Fun times gathering people together to celebrate. I also became so mesmerized by the membership sign at Costco that I rammed into the guy ahead of me with the party cake. Luckily no damage was done.
-Carly and Ty got married. Lovely wedding that they totally made fit them. Not vomitous at all. It just seemed fitting to watch my childhood friend who used to shove grass in my braces marrying my childhood neighbor who used to play elaborate police-style games with me and our sisters.
-And I have amazing roommates. This is for real.
...what a wonderful world
-Anne, Kelsi, and I revealed to Sydney, Kyla, and Steve, that the cake they received earlier this week from their "block captains" was actually not from their "block captains." They had rightfully been shocked that anyone could think the "Trail Mix Cake," as it was called, was good enough to share with neighbors. The cake had, in fact, been constructed by us after we cleaned out our pantry. Main ingredients were: Slim-Fast, instant mashed potatoes, and mint hot chocolate mix. We also included dried-out marshmallows, actual trail mix, pancake mix, and broccoli soup. We threw in an egg and some oil, made an official "block captain" letterhead, and dropped it off at Kyla's house. Bwah. ha. ha.
-We had a graduation party for Kelsi. Fun times gathering people together to celebrate. I also became so mesmerized by the membership sign at Costco that I rammed into the guy ahead of me with the party cake. Luckily no damage was done.
-Carly and Ty got married. Lovely wedding that they totally made fit them. Not vomitous at all. It just seemed fitting to watch my childhood friend who used to shove grass in my braces marrying my childhood neighbor who used to play elaborate police-style games with me and our sisters.
-And I have amazing roommates. This is for real.
...what a wonderful world
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Momentous Event in History
Today was a pretty fantastic day and here is why.
I AM THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER AT THE GYM.
You should know that I have never been the grand prize winner of anything and I was expecting to win a pencil. So, obviously I was ecstatic, as was Emely since we were in it to win it together from the start. And now we will be enjoying dinner out, massages, and a night at a hotel via grand prize.
Then. Lunch with the ever-hilarious Ashlee who allowed me to interrupt our lunch with phone calls/high pitched squealing to people about my grand prize
Then. My boys just made my heart so happy at work. I was "the only staff who is not an idiot" to the 10-year-old. And then I took a group off campus to do a clean-up and they did so amazingly well. One of those rare times when everyone in the group is looking out for the welfare of everyone else and willing to make compromises. I could care less if they all grow up to be brilliant scholars or "successful" billionaires. If they can treat each other with the dignity and respect they did tonight, well, my job is done.
I AM THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER AT THE GYM.
You should know that I have never been the grand prize winner of anything and I was expecting to win a pencil. So, obviously I was ecstatic, as was Emely since we were in it to win it together from the start. And now we will be enjoying dinner out, massages, and a night at a hotel via grand prize.
Then. Lunch with the ever-hilarious Ashlee who allowed me to interrupt our lunch with phone calls/high pitched squealing to people about my grand prize
Then. My boys just made my heart so happy at work. I was "the only staff who is not an idiot" to the 10-year-old. And then I took a group off campus to do a clean-up and they did so amazingly well. One of those rare times when everyone in the group is looking out for the welfare of everyone else and willing to make compromises. I could care less if they all grow up to be brilliant scholars or "successful" billionaires. If they can treat each other with the dignity and respect they did tonight, well, my job is done.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Hulk-in-training
So I think that blogs where people go on about how awesome they are generally come across to the rest of the world as extremely annoying. This does not, however, stop me from spouting off something I am proud of. You will need a microscope for this next part.
With the help of your microscope, you may notice small muscles beginning to form. This is actually a live photo taken of my arm. Believe it if you dare, but it is actually slightly more pronounced in real life. This is because, for the past 6 weeks, my roommate and I have been doing a fitness challenge at our gym that involved doing some sort of activity/healthy habit about 7 days a week. As was the goal, I had to branch out and try new things. Thus, I learned that the weight-lifting class that looks so scary is actually not scary at all. Water fitness classes are entirely survivable and senior citizens provide a good dose of humility while they kick my trash. I also learned that senior citizens are very chatty and sometimes they only kick my butt because they are not actually doing anything. Being a recovering perfectionist means that the bar is usually too high for me to really be proud of myself, but I was proud of this one!
With the help of your microscope, you may notice small muscles beginning to form. This is actually a live photo taken of my arm. Believe it if you dare, but it is actually slightly more pronounced in real life. This is because, for the past 6 weeks, my roommate and I have been doing a fitness challenge at our gym that involved doing some sort of activity/healthy habit about 7 days a week. As was the goal, I had to branch out and try new things. Thus, I learned that the weight-lifting class that looks so scary is actually not scary at all. Water fitness classes are entirely survivable and senior citizens provide a good dose of humility while they kick my trash. I also learned that senior citizens are very chatty and sometimes they only kick my butt because they are not actually doing anything. Being a recovering perfectionist means that the bar is usually too high for me to really be proud of myself, but I was proud of this one!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Evening Shit Summary
Title taken from a work document typo tonight. Best typo yet.
Well, life actually hasn't been shitty at all lately. Highlights:
1) Emely and I continue to blaze through out Bingo challenge at the gym.
2) As a result of the above, I have been forced to learn Kettlebell and water aerobics. I've been taking H20 Fit, or as I like to call it, Seniors Being 1000 Times Better Than Me at Aquatic Activities. The first time Emely and I went, it was 6 in the morning after a night of little sleep for both of us. Naturally, we became much more interested in doing the YMCA with the music than swimming, so the entire class was pretty confused by us. Today, I got my ass kicked by a bunch of 70 year olds.
3) On Saturday, Ria and her cousin picked me up and we went on the longest one-day road trip I've been on. Stopped in Pocatello to eat Mexican food with Allyson. Bad idea. Let's just say that different windows were intermittently rolled down for the rest of the trip. Then in Logan to see Amanda, where we all learned the difference between temples, tabernacles, churches, stakes, and wards. And also that the citizens of Logan have little to no landscaping inclinations and have placed enormous boulders on their lawns in order to compensate for lack of grass. This is just a picture that I got off the internet, but one house even bouldered up onto the hill behind it. We knew by that mark that they were the richest in the subdivision. Then to Park City to pick up Todd and have dinner with Greg. Wild.
Well, life actually hasn't been shitty at all lately. Highlights:
1) Emely and I continue to blaze through out Bingo challenge at the gym.
2) As a result of the above, I have been forced to learn Kettlebell and water aerobics. I've been taking H20 Fit, or as I like to call it, Seniors Being 1000 Times Better Than Me at Aquatic Activities. The first time Emely and I went, it was 6 in the morning after a night of little sleep for both of us. Naturally, we became much more interested in doing the YMCA with the music than swimming, so the entire class was pretty confused by us. Today, I got my ass kicked by a bunch of 70 year olds.
3) On Saturday, Ria and her cousin picked me up and we went on the longest one-day road trip I've been on. Stopped in Pocatello to eat Mexican food with Allyson. Bad idea. Let's just say that different windows were intermittently rolled down for the rest of the trip. Then in Logan to see Amanda, where we all learned the difference between temples, tabernacles, churches, stakes, and wards. And also that the citizens of Logan have little to no landscaping inclinations and have placed enormous boulders on their lawns in order to compensate for lack of grass. This is just a picture that I got off the internet, but one house even bouldered up onto the hill behind it. We knew by that mark that they were the richest in the subdivision. Then to Park City to pick up Todd and have dinner with Greg. Wild.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
POST 100! Pickle Patrol.
I've been waiting for a great event to come along that would be 100th-post-worthy. And let me tell you, I found it.
As many of you know, I am extremely fond of order in the household. Not that everything has to BE in order, but it should HAVE an order just in case I wanted to put it there. Which is why the enormous jar of pickles in our garage was a problem for me. You see, no one knows where it came from or why it's been in our garage so long. And I had no place to put it when I went on my garage cleaning rampage a few months ago. I've been jonesing to get it out of here and tonight, Emely and I hatched a plan.
While the rest of our roommates were at the Jason Alpenis concert, we loaded up the jar of pickles in the trusty backpack I've had since high school.
Emely brought her backpack, which she also has had since high school, "just in case we find anything while we're out."
We then composed this note:
After that, we rode around our neighborhood on our bicycles until we found a very proper-looking one-story house with a nice looking lawn and daffodils. And we left it in their driveway.
Unfortunately, before departing, the pickle jar tipped over and leaked all over my backpack, causing me to smell faintly of vinegar the entire voyage. This happened twice.
Since we still had daylight left, we rode to a path that Emely knew of with some ancient runes spray painted on it. We stopped to chat with some horses when Em decided to get rid of some excess spit she had in her mouth. Her technique is really pretty incomprehensible and can best be described as a sort of wind up and pitch action. Unfortunately, during the second launching, she wasn't really paying attention to the direction of the wind and spat directly into my face. That was neat. Emely was unable to stand due to laughing so hard about the spit on my face.
We then decided to cross a bridge across the canal. Here, Emely is featured "moving up in the world" from the sloth butt scoot she performed going the other way. All in all, a fantastic ride.
As many of you know, I am extremely fond of order in the household. Not that everything has to BE in order, but it should HAVE an order just in case I wanted to put it there. Which is why the enormous jar of pickles in our garage was a problem for me. You see, no one knows where it came from or why it's been in our garage so long. And I had no place to put it when I went on my garage cleaning rampage a few months ago. I've been jonesing to get it out of here and tonight, Emely and I hatched a plan.
While the rest of our roommates were at the Jason Alpenis concert, we loaded up the jar of pickles in the trusty backpack I've had since high school.
Emely brought her backpack, which she also has had since high school, "just in case we find anything while we're out."
We then composed this note:
After that, we rode around our neighborhood on our bicycles until we found a very proper-looking one-story house with a nice looking lawn and daffodils. And we left it in their driveway.
Unfortunately, before departing, the pickle jar tipped over and leaked all over my backpack, causing me to smell faintly of vinegar the entire voyage. This happened twice.
Since we still had daylight left, we rode to a path that Emely knew of with some ancient runes spray painted on it. We stopped to chat with some horses when Em decided to get rid of some excess spit she had in her mouth. Her technique is really pretty incomprehensible and can best be described as a sort of wind up and pitch action. Unfortunately, during the second launching, she wasn't really paying attention to the direction of the wind and spat directly into my face. That was neat. Emely was unable to stand due to laughing so hard about the spit on my face.
We then decided to cross a bridge across the canal. Here, Emely is featured "moving up in the world" from the sloth butt scoot she performed going the other way. All in all, a fantastic ride.
Monday, March 15, 2010
You owe me 5 dollars for that
Oh man, kids, this is my 99th blog. Blog 100 is just around the corner. How momentous!
I have not been doing a very good job of logging the hilarious moments that happen in my life. Recently Anne turned 21 so we took her out for her birthday. Although the Piper Pub currently owns far too many of my dollars, we had a good time. We also did a little karaokeing later. More or less, we were the third worst group of singers in the place for a good amount of time. But then the girl who wanted to sing "Family Portrait" a half-step off the entire time made us all feel better. The title of the blog comes from the guy who sat on a stool with his back to Alli, but somehow managed to rub his butt against her periodically. When they decided to address this issue, the man informed her that he should charge her $5 for the experience he had given her. Alli did not pay him.
Recently I had a conversation with my 11-year-old twin nieces (I adopted them, okay) about the value of ear-piercing. They come from a no-nonsense (in the realm of appearances), but very imaginative family. So I asked them if they were every going to get their ears pierced, and they replied matter-of-factly: Please. You have wrists, and a neck, and fiiiiingers. Why do you need one more place to hang jewelry off of? You already have plenty.
Peace, love, and harmony.
I have not been doing a very good job of logging the hilarious moments that happen in my life. Recently Anne turned 21 so we took her out for her birthday. Although the Piper Pub currently owns far too many of my dollars, we had a good time. We also did a little karaokeing later. More or less, we were the third worst group of singers in the place for a good amount of time. But then the girl who wanted to sing "Family Portrait" a half-step off the entire time made us all feel better. The title of the blog comes from the guy who sat on a stool with his back to Alli, but somehow managed to rub his butt against her periodically. When they decided to address this issue, the man informed her that he should charge her $5 for the experience he had given her. Alli did not pay him.
Recently I had a conversation with my 11-year-old twin nieces (I adopted them, okay) about the value of ear-piercing. They come from a no-nonsense (in the realm of appearances), but very imaginative family. So I asked them if they were every going to get their ears pierced, and they replied matter-of-factly: Please. You have wrists, and a neck, and fiiiiingers. Why do you need one more place to hang jewelry off of? You already have plenty.
Peace, love, and harmony.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Disappointment of Turkeys in Adult Life
Ria: "Yeah! It was like, when you were little, turkeys were these magical creatures that brought you all this happiness, and then you grow up, and you're like, 'What?'"
Kate: "I know, I used to think turkeys were a lot cuter and then you see them and you realize they're really ugly."
Ria: "I know."
Kate: "Wait. *pauses* I never actually thought turkeys were magical creatures that brought me all this happiness. I just didn't know they were so ugly."
Kate: "I know, I used to think turkeys were a lot cuter and then you see them and you realize they're really ugly."
Ria: "I know."
Kate: "Wait. *pauses* I never actually thought turkeys were magical creatures that brought me all this happiness. I just didn't know they were so ugly."
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The way it is
Squadron: It's time for an update.
Some changes in the house. We have secured a chore chart complete with photos. Shuffling the housemates around a bit and moving Kyla out next month (something about buying her own house and not wanting to pay on two things whatwhat), but the oh-so-glamourous Alli Bedalli will be moving in by June. Fantastico.
I continue to work with children who are unsure if Satan and I are two separate beings, or, in fact, the same entity. Occasionally the sun peeks through the clouds and they are shocked to discover that I am a very nice human being indeed.
I attended a wedding for a co-worker in the fine town of Sweet recently. You know you live in a small town when you have to cross a cattle guard to get to your church. A good time nonetheless.
Let's end with some quotes from work, shall we?
[From the slightly-young-in-the-head-and-emotions 14 year old as he looks out the window pondering life] "Ms. Kate?" "Yeah." "What's so great about maturity, anyway?"
[From the 9 year old exuberantly trying to volunteer information during the Q&A session in a religious class] Teacher - "Mecca...where IS Mecca?" Kid - "It's a mineral!!!"
Some changes in the house. We have secured a chore chart complete with photos. Shuffling the housemates around a bit and moving Kyla out next month (something about buying her own house and not wanting to pay on two things whatwhat), but the oh-so-glamourous Alli Bedalli will be moving in by June. Fantastico.
I continue to work with children who are unsure if Satan and I are two separate beings, or, in fact, the same entity. Occasionally the sun peeks through the clouds and they are shocked to discover that I am a very nice human being indeed.
I attended a wedding for a co-worker in the fine town of Sweet recently. You know you live in a small town when you have to cross a cattle guard to get to your church. A good time nonetheless.
Let's end with some quotes from work, shall we?
[From the slightly-young-in-the-head-and-emotions 14 year old as he looks out the window pondering life] "Ms. Kate?" "Yeah." "What's so great about maturity, anyway?"
[From the 9 year old exuberantly trying to volunteer information during the Q&A session in a religious class] Teacher - "Mecca...where IS Mecca?" Kid - "It's a mineral!!!"
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Unexpected
This blog is dedicated to the sunny hilarity that is my roommate Emely. I have come to have a new appreciation for her and the unexpected things that come flying out of her mouth. Some recent, enthusiastic examples:
"I just LOVE to see things growing! I just look at it and I'm like, 'Good job! Way to grow!'"
*Breathlessly* "Katelin! I just found the most perfect book. It describes me. I read it to my first graders."
Me - "Yeah?! What's it called?"
Em - "Grandfathers Journey."
I have never met anyone who congratulates things for participating in natural phenomena, i.e. plants growing, finding her dog drier after letting the dog lay on a rug for a while, etc., but I feel it's probably a pretty good outlook to have. So, Em, good job on being alive. I appreciate you despite never having eaten your pistachio salad.
Friday, January 1, 2010
My Dear Acquaintance
Greetings from the hearth fire of my home which actually does not have a fire and I'm at my desk anyway.
I recently purchased a Roald Dahl calendar for 50% off and as I was updating it, flipping through last years' calendar, it occurred to me that this year has been quite the ride. Let's recap, shall we?
*I have to confess, I rang in 2009 in the most badass way to-date. I was in the center of Spain in a huge plaza with thousands of people doing the equivalent of the ball drop in NY. I managed to conquer the tradition of eating 12 grapes before the end of the 12 strokes of midnight as fireworks were shooting off everywhere.
*I spent 5 more months in Spain and a couple weeks in Italy. I got to see things and visit places that used to just exists in textbooks. :) All with Astin. All of it a huge growing process. Lots of painful, some of it really frustrating. Some of it ridiculously hilarious, and much of it pleasant. It left me wondering...what next. That had been my dream since I was wrong, it was the proof I needed to believe that I would escape my small town. Well I did it, and the future remains ambiguous as ever, but I grow more okay with that.
*Astin and I sprinted home to our families and I spent the next few months living at home, visiting friends, working for my dad, and taking a really amazing trip with some of the raddest people I know down to California to visit some other really rad people. I also went backpacking for the first time. I almost died, or at least felt like it, but getting to the top of the mountain was definitely worth it. :D
*I got a job, totally unrelated to my major but related to pretty much all the jobs I've ever had, working with 10-15 year old boys. Discipline has definitely always been my weakness. Since I have a pretty strong personality, you would think that discipline comes naturally, but it actually makes me sick. Therefore, this job is gradually changing that. I don't know how long I'll last, but I'm giving it a good go while I'm there.
*I became co-president of the rollerblading club I invented.
*I moved in with 3 people I already loved and one that I had never really met but now I love her too. Partially because we are probably both clinically insane.
*I got trapped on the top of a mountain in a snowstorm. Luckily I was in a suburban with 3 other people and a very smelly, wet dog.
*I ran my first 5K (about 3 miles). I am not aware that I have ever run 3 miles consecutively, so this was an accomplishment for me.
*Various friends have come to visit and The Sisterhood even had an almost-complete reunion.
*I got to celebrate Christmas with my family after being apart last year. And my grandma ended the year with a bang by eating a Hollywood Stars Liver Treat for dogs.
2009 was a big year. I honestly don't know if I'm a better person. I know I learned some things, and I know I should have learned others. Since I'm making that post-college relationships transition a year later than most of my friends, it's been a learning year. It makes me think that people who understand who you are, appreciate it, and want to see you grow are much rarer than I originally assumed. I am more aware of the smaller moments that are spaced further apart now. I'm pretty pumped about the people in my life who are those good things for me.
I recently purchased a Roald Dahl calendar for 50% off and as I was updating it, flipping through last years' calendar, it occurred to me that this year has been quite the ride. Let's recap, shall we?
*I have to confess, I rang in 2009 in the most badass way to-date. I was in the center of Spain in a huge plaza with thousands of people doing the equivalent of the ball drop in NY. I managed to conquer the tradition of eating 12 grapes before the end of the 12 strokes of midnight as fireworks were shooting off everywhere.
*I spent 5 more months in Spain and a couple weeks in Italy. I got to see things and visit places that used to just exists in textbooks. :) All with Astin. All of it a huge growing process. Lots of painful, some of it really frustrating. Some of it ridiculously hilarious, and much of it pleasant. It left me wondering...what next. That had been my dream since I was wrong, it was the proof I needed to believe that I would escape my small town. Well I did it, and the future remains ambiguous as ever, but I grow more okay with that.
*Astin and I sprinted home to our families and I spent the next few months living at home, visiting friends, working for my dad, and taking a really amazing trip with some of the raddest people I know down to California to visit some other really rad people. I also went backpacking for the first time. I almost died, or at least felt like it, but getting to the top of the mountain was definitely worth it. :D
*I got a job, totally unrelated to my major but related to pretty much all the jobs I've ever had, working with 10-15 year old boys. Discipline has definitely always been my weakness. Since I have a pretty strong personality, you would think that discipline comes naturally, but it actually makes me sick. Therefore, this job is gradually changing that. I don't know how long I'll last, but I'm giving it a good go while I'm there.
*I became co-president of the rollerblading club I invented.
*I moved in with 3 people I already loved and one that I had never really met but now I love her too. Partially because we are probably both clinically insane.
*I got trapped on the top of a mountain in a snowstorm. Luckily I was in a suburban with 3 other people and a very smelly, wet dog.
*I ran my first 5K (about 3 miles). I am not aware that I have ever run 3 miles consecutively, so this was an accomplishment for me.
*Various friends have come to visit and The Sisterhood even had an almost-complete reunion.
*I got to celebrate Christmas with my family after being apart last year. And my grandma ended the year with a bang by eating a Hollywood Stars Liver Treat for dogs.
2009 was a big year. I honestly don't know if I'm a better person. I know I learned some things, and I know I should have learned others. Since I'm making that post-college relationships transition a year later than most of my friends, it's been a learning year. It makes me think that people who understand who you are, appreciate it, and want to see you grow are much rarer than I originally assumed. I am more aware of the smaller moments that are spaced further apart now. I'm pretty pumped about the people in my life who are those good things for me.
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